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Western guys

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Stories abound of guys getting engaged to women they have known less than two weeks. What is she like at that time of the month?

What are her friends like? What does she do in her free time? What is she like when she is under pressure? What does she really think of you insisting of watching every All Blacks test and in her mind, putting your love of sport before your love of her?

There is no substitute for spending a good amount of time together. A few weeks just is not long enough to know what a person is really like.

And if it was while you were in Thailand on holiday, the proverbial two-week millionaire, she is going to have some lofty expectations….

Language and culture are inextricably linked. Communication is critical and if your Thai is better than her English then Thai becomes the language of the relationship.

Speaking Thai is all very good and well but you will find that you tend to do things the Thai way. That means that the norms of Thai relationships will become the norms of your relationship.

Try arguing with a Thai that you are not prepared to pay a dowry or not willing to support distant lay about relatives. If you're arguing in Thai it isn't easy.

I don't think it's any coincidence that when she speaks very good English and thus the language of the relationship is English that the chances of long-term success are much higher.

Besides, and this really is as an aside, I think one of the best things you can do for her is to get her English up to speed. By doing so you open up the world to her.

You really don't want to do it but failure to might result in the relationship going south… Too many guys agree to things with their Thai girlfriend that they really would not agree to in their homeland.

Sometimes it can be packaged in such a way that failure to do so might result in a premature end to the relationship. If you're constantly told that you do not understand Thai culture or you do not understand Thai women then run, run as fast as you can and never ever look back.

It's a card that many play…. With this in mind, one should take a close look at her family — and long before the time that many foreigners meet their bride to be's family, either on the wedding day, at the occasion of the engagement ceremony or at the dowry discussion.

Believe me, the Thai family will examine you closely and they will ask all sorts of personal and impertinent questions. These are the people you will be spending time with over holiday weekends, the people who may visit you unannounced and expect to stay with you for days on end and from whom there very well may be requests for assistance of some sort.

Are they decent folks? Do they have a sustainable lifestyle? Are they people you would be proud to introduce your parents to?

I find it quite appalling the number of Westerners who have said to me that they love their in-laws to death and how they are decent people and the salt of the earth and they would do anything for them…..

You have every right to ask all of the same questions to your dearest about her and her family. In fact you would be foolish not to.

Perhaps I ought to add that two of the guys I know who have genuinely happy and successful relationships as best I can see married orphans.

Many guys may claim that they do not get their emotional needs from their wife. They have plenty of mates who satisfy their intellectual needs.

That is all well and good but we simply cannot overlook the fact that some rural Thais have not had anything like the opportunities the average Westerner has.

The reality is that looks fade and sorry to alienate the female readership here few women look that attractive after menopause. If it was looks that attracted you to her initially, I sure hope she has a bit of substance to her or something about her grows on you over time because looks don't last forever!

If you married a simple girl you might find she is unable to stimulate you intellectually. You may find her simple nature appealing, uncomplicated and perhaps even cute, but will it remain endearing forever?

In terms of simple compatibility, is it not preferable to have someone with a similar education to yourself?

When you face difficult times, be it external such as a job loss, or something within the relationship itself, it is much easier to work through things with someone who thinks beyond what their next meal will be.

I have always lived my life with the philosophy of not telling everything to anyone. Not the other half, not my parents, not even my closest, most trusted friends know everything about me.

As one ages, one realises more and more the vulnerability in letting any one person know too much about you. Friendships go sour, people fall out and if you're really unlucky the person you once called your best buddy is now mouthing off about you to all and sundry.

Your deepest, darkest secrets and some incredibly embarrassing moments are now in the public domain.

Fortunately this sort of thing doesn't happen in the West so much. But it does in Thailand. If you asked me to give you five adjectives to describe the Thai character then "vindictive" would be one of them.

Should things go bad between you and your Thai other half then don't be surprised if she gets nasty. Many Thai women feel hard done by when a relationship with a Western man goes bad — whatever the reason!

Expect pay back, perhaps even revenge. The best way to minimise any damage is to ensure that she doesn't know too much about you.

Be prepared. For example, I would not reveal my place of work or the company I worked for if I was dating a lower class Thai woman with whom I felt the relationship wasn't going anywhere.

For some, their vindictiveness knows no limits. And a reminder about making your Thai wife the sole beneficiary of your estate.

Doing so inadvertently makes you more valuable to her dead than alive! Not if but when the inheritance question comes up, tell her that it is split between her and your closest family members, whether that be the case or not.

Each partner has a role in a relationship and once you have reached the point where you're living together, it is perhaps time for these to be defined.

Allowing her freedom to do as she pleases while supporting her handsomely will reinforce the message that having a foreign husband is a ticket to a sabai sabai comfortable and easy life.

Thai women married to Western men who don't have kids yet lay about the house all day doing precious little are the absolute scorn of expat society.

A woman gainfully employed or pulling her weight in a relationship carries herself with pride. Woman who are supported, sleep for half the day and do previous little of any value have a very different air about them.

The Western guy's amazing ability to overlook the most heinous behaviour in a relationship continues to bewilder me. How many guys have forgiven their betrothed after she has slept with a former flame?

How many are blind to the obvious clues that you're not the only one in her life? I heard a classic the other day. A fellow was walking along the road with his girlfriend when she made him duck down behind a car as a motorbike whizzed past with what she described as her brother riding it.

Clearly she came from an incestuous family. Never does a week go by when I don't receive a tale of woe from a reader whose Thai girlfriend has thrown a wobbly.

It starts with the destruction of property with remote controls, cups and the 21st century favourite, the mobile phone, all learning, totally unsuccessfully, to fly.

A bad sign and you need to review things at that point. But it gets worse. Next is the threats to harm herself, usually with a knife, possibly to jump from the balcony a favourite when she realises that you want to call the relationship off , or perhaps even to harm you.

When it gets to this stage, it's time to walk. Don't think that a woman who is capable of pulling a knife on you is not capable of castrating you while you sleep…although with that said, Thai women tend to slice the meat as opposed to the vegetables.

Whatever, we're talking semantics. You get the point. There's no reason why you can't have a fabulous relationship with a Thai woman.

Take the time to choose the right one, take the time to get to know her and don't accept anything that you would not be prepared to accept in the West.

A Thai woman can make a fabulous life partner but if you choose badly, she can end up a real nightmare! Where was this picture taken?

Obviously not many Stickman readers get off the beaten path in Pattaya because few people got it right.

The first person to email me with the correct location of the picture wins a baht credit at Oh My Cod , the British Fish And Chips restaurant.

The second person to get it right wins a free jug of margarita, valued at baht from Charley Brown's, a popular Tex-Mex restaurant, offering authentic cuisine and delicious margaritas.

Already have an account? Click here to Log in. Sign Up. Yoyo Chinese Official Blog. They want a ticket out of China.

They spend their waking hours attending to his needs. But is it true? She also said, of the Western men that she's dated, that they have a wider view of life.

They have shared values They like to resolve conflict quickly This was more of a problem with the relationship.

Interestingly, all but one still live and work in China.

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